Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Pain Full

Today I hurt.  It's not one of my worst days, because I'm sitting here at work ... trying to work with a body that aches all over and a brain functioning on super slow mode.  I'm taking my pain meds, but not as much as I would if I was home, because ... well ... I'm at work. 

Yes.  I am hurting.  But it's not so bad that I'm at home in the bed with tears streaming down my face.

I read 24 At Heart every week day, it's one of the blogs I've found that help me through the day.  Today, Suzanne discusses pain, hiding and denial.  It hits home, because the last few months I've been forced to realize how much I hide my pain from others.  My family, my friends, my co-workers.

But no one wants to hear how I hurt etc every day ... how depressing.  I agree it is depressing and that's why I try not to dwell on it; but how are they going to really know me, if they don't have a glimpse now and then?

Yes I deal with pain every day ... every single day, but I refuse to let it totally dictate my life.  I have to make concessions, but I fight every battle, longing for that one win.  I think Suzanne hit the nail on the head today when she posted, "Pain is an awful, ugly, living, demon, creature - that's the truth of it.  It will strangle the life out of you if you don't fight against it with everything you've got."

I wonder sometimes how it's possible to hurt as much as I hurt and still be able to live my life and be happy.  Those are my dark times, the times full of self pity and doubt.  Most of the time though, I realize how much I am loved and how lucky I am.

So for now I'm going to focus on today ... just today.  Tomorrow will be here soon enough ... another day, another fight with the Demon.

Bringing "The Fight" 24/7