To The Dawgs!

Not the best picture in the world, but this is our Gentleman Jake.  He wasn't having much fun this day.  He was chained in the front yard while my son was mowing the back.  I hope to get some better pictures of the animals soon.

Jake was on my mind today.  I was up and down last night unable to sleep and he was whining because he could hear me and wanted company.  I have not felt well and He has been a bit neglected lately.  I have not been able to go outside as much and lavish him with love and good skritches.

Huh?

Well I was back in the ER Friday night.  I had felt blah all week and Friday was pretty bad, but I had been working longer hours due to training.  So I thought I was just overtired ... boy I wish.

By the time I got home I was hurting so bad that I was vomiting in the front yard.  My son ran inside to get my S/O.  He took me to the ER and sat with me through the night.  I know some people who have passed kidney stones with little pain ... I'm jealous!

For me, both times the pain has been worse than any labor pains could think to be. I don't like to fall apart in front of others, but these boogers made me do it.

They finally released me in the wee hours of Saturday morning.  Why no I don't remember the time, they had just given me a double dose of pain meds. 

Whhheeeeeeeeeeeee!

The CRT or whatever showed that the stone was almost through it's course, so they pumped me full of pain and nausea meds and sent me home.  It was the first time I hadn't hurt since 6 pm including with the pain meds.  Needless to say I was exhausted and passed out when I got home.

When I woke up later I felt no pain, but was very tired and dehydrated.  I took it easy the rest of the weekend and tried to drink lots of fluids.  Sunday when I woke up all my muscles around my rib cage and back hurt due to all the vomiting.

They still hurt today.

I'm back at work, but boy did I want just one more day of taking it easy.

Loss

I read the following poem at Curse Of The Invisible Illness and it resonated.  I thought I would share it with you today.

After a While

by Veronica Shoftsall

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts, and presents aren't promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure;

You really are strong, you really do have worth;

And you learn, and you learn

With every goodbye you learn.

Melancholy Christmas

I thought I was doing better this year, but the "grinchyness" hit me.  I've been battling this "grinchyness" for days now.  Then last Friday, my boyfriends brother-in-law passed away.  It was horrible and sad.  I had not known David for very long, but he was a nice man.  He liked to make people laugh.

He leaves behind numerous people who are grieving his loss.  There's not much I can do for any of them except hug them tight and reassure them that while this will always be painful, it does get better.  Very slowly, but it does.

I lost the kindest, sincerest, loving friend anyone could ever have on December 31st 1999 ... My MOM.  It was devastating and we all had an extremely difficult time in our grieving.  It is still painful sometimes to think about the loss, but it brings a smile to think about my Mom.

David's death has not only brought the loss of a friend and the reality that we are never promised the next day, hour, minute but has opened the wound of the loss of my Mom.  My Mom LOVED Christmas and I should make more of an effort, because I know she would want me to. 

I may not have Christmas decorations up at home; but, I baked this year.  My Granny and Mom both enjoyed cooking and baking, I used to.  So if you stop by, there may be no twinkling lights, but there is my Granny's recipe Pumpkin Bread.

Out dang Grinchyness ... out I say.

I'm a Grinch

I don't know about you, but I thought I was doing good with the Christmas spirit this year.  But it seems that Grinchness has swallowed me whole.  I've been a gripey, grumpy, mean ole heifer this week and I can't see to claw my way clear of this funk.

We have had big changes this year at my job, that will be culminating the first quarter of next year and anxiety is getting to me.  There are some family financial issues that I need to stop procrastinating on and just find the time to do it.  I also have been having some medical issues that I keep pushing aside to take care of everyone else.

It's time to try and destress this coming weekend, get my thoughts together, make a plan of action and then DO IT.

If I survive my Grinchness.

Or my co-workers and family do.

Hallelujah!  It appears that the stone has passed.  When and where I do not know, but hallelujah it is gone.  I hope that this post finds everyone doing well.  At this point in time me and mine are doing pretty dang well.

Hugs,
Karen

Stones

The urologist says that I have to have an ultrasound done of my kidney, urethra (sp?) and bladder.  He also said that I need to pass the stone soon as the kidney can only be blocked from the bladder for so long without causing damage.  O_O  Really ... really, really?  DUH!

So I'm at work, with the kidney stone setting in my urethra tube causing chaos.  I'm drinking enough water to sail a ship and it's still not moving.

Here I am, still with a kidney stone ... and I'm quietly going crazy.  Even when the pain is not intense, it's like I'm walking around in a constant brain fog.  Not to mention that it's taken me the last two weeks to get my "flares' back under control. 

The hospital did not have half my meds and gave me some others that made me worse.  So really by the time I left not only did I still have the frackin kidney stone, but my gastric paresis was in full swing, my blood pressure was up, my sugar was out of whack, and I hurt everywhere, not just with the stone.

OK enough complaining.  When I got to work this morning a friend had left me this funny.  It made me smile, which I sorely needed, so I'm sharing.

Middle Age Texting Codes

ATD - at the doctor
BFF - best friend fell
BTW - bring the wheelchair
BYOT - bring your own teeth
GGPBL - gotta go, pacemaker battery low
GHA - got heartburn again
IMHO - is my hearing aid on?
LMDO - laughing my dentures out
OMMR - on my massage recliner
ROFLACGU - rolling on floor laughing and can't get up
TTYL - talk to you louder

and my personal favorite ...

FWIW - forgot where I was.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Kidney Stone

Need I say more?  Really?  Well ok...

Friday, Oct 7th I woke up with a radiating pain in my abdomen.  With all the digestive and other medical issues I have, I didn't think much of it.  I took some pain meds, got ready and D and I headed into work.  I was driving that morning and on the hour drive in, it was getting worse and worse.  As we got close to my job, D suggested that I just pull into the ER.  I said no, it will get better, you go on to school and if it keeps hurting I'll let you know and you can pick me up early when you get out of school.

Two hours later D told me "I told you so Mom."  As the pain steadily increased I became nauseous and then became a permanent fixture in the restroom.  A friend and co-worker agreed to take me to the local ER and off we went.  As I was triaged and waiting to go in the back I told her to go on back to work I was fine.  Uh huh, right.

When they called me into the back and started poking and prodding on my abdomen, it got worse.  It steadily increased until I wasn't sure if I could hold still and be quiet any longer.  I've seen those ER shows on TV where the person in pain is sort of thrashing around, crying and begging ... that was almost me ... SERIOUSLY.  I was that close and then my blessed nurse injected pain meds into my IV.  It didn't knock me out or make the pain completely go away but it was bearable.

Honestly peeps, I have NEVER had anything hurt this bad besides labor ... NEVER.

Anyway, I was admitted and they kept an eye on me til late afternoon Sunday, when they released me to go home.  I saw a urologist and because I do not have any infection (no fever), I'm having no nausea and the pain has never reached that intensity again they want me to wait ... wait and see if it will pass. O_o

I was out all last week because I don't do well with strong pain meds and mine were fairly strong.  There is no way I could concentrate on work, not even to do anything from home.  Friday, I started halving the meds and was able to do some work.  I was planning on going in this morning, but all last night I alternated between freezing cold and sweating.  No fever though, how strange.  It finally eased up and I was able to rest.  

So now I'm aiming for tomorrow.  I hope to be at work at least for most of the day.  I have followup visits and a cardiology visit this week.  I hate it when I'm feeling pretty good, weather is beautiful, life is good ... and then WHAM upside the head!

I hope and pray that you are all doing well and I hope that I will be soon.

On The List

Yesterday is fairly high on my list of worst day ever.

I think everything I have flared up in about a 6 hour window of time.  I awoke in the wee hours of the morning Thursday hurting no matter how a lay in the bed.  A hour or so later the gastric paresis crap set in and then a short time later this sparked the IBS.

I spent half of the day laying in the bed crying and the other half knocked out as a side affect of the combined meds.  J has never seen it this bad and really wanted me to go to the ER.  I've been here before and know I can just ride it out. 

Our ER's around here are so busy that it's hours and hours before you are seen.  I'd much rather be miserable, crying and in pain laying in my own bed, then in a hard plastic chair in a cold ass waiting room.  There's really not that much the doctors could do that I don't have meds for myself ... so I stayed home.

J?  He went outside to fiddle around with different projects because he can't stand to see me cry.  He asked me to text him or send my son out to get him if I changed my mind about going in.  Sweet Man, I love you.

Every time I was awake I was worrying about my job.  I'm in accounting and the end of the month is massive deadlines for us.  My wonderful boss got me a short reprieve for my 5 p.m. deadline that evening, until noon today. 

Yes I'm at work today.

Tired, foggy brained, still in some pain ... but here.

I really hope I feel much better this weekend.  The weekend here is supposed to be absolutely beautiful and I would like to be able to enjoy it as much as possible.

I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend!

Where did the week go?

This week has just drug by for me.  Most likely because I've been recuperating from going to the family reunion last Saturday.  My days this week have consisted of:

Drag my butt out of bed and walk "ouch ... OUCH" to the bathroom.
After taking twice as long as normal to get ready, leave for work.
Realize I haven't taken meds and go back inside house
Go back out to car and head for work
(An hour later), sit in parking garage for 5 minutes wishing I didn't have to get up and go inside.
Go to break room for caffeine fix
Stare bleary eyed at monitors (have two) and try valiantly to complete necessary tasks efficiently.
Go to break room for caffeine fix
Catch myself staring off into space instead of working.
Go to break room for caffeine fix
Look at time for 4,000th time today and realize it's time to go home.
Make it to car and sit thinking of long drive home
Make it home and think about supper that needs to be cooked
Get son to help me with supper
Stand over stove dreaming of my bed
Finish eating and sigh loudly, because I need to put away food and pickup kitchen
Crawl into bed and then remember I haven't taken my meds, get out and get some water
Get back in bed, double check alarm and lay there ... exhausted.

I think I'm going to be doing a whole big bunch of NOTHING this weekend.

Have a great weekend.

Stand Back Up

I was way late for work today.


Way ....


I didn't get here til noon.


I hate when I'm hurting and sooo exhausted I just can't get up.  Well I did get up eventually.  I even took a shower.  It took me two hours to get ready.  Two friggin hours ... TWO.  I kept having to sit down and rest.


I'm feeling a bit pushed down


Pushed around


And all around weary


On my hour long trek to work, I popped in my Sugarland CD.  It helped.  It helped a lot when this song came on:

"Stand Back Up"

Go ahead and take your best shot,

Let'er rip, give it all you've got,

I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,

I may stumble, yeah I might fall,

Only human aren't we all?

I might lose my way, but hear me when I say,

I will stand back up,

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,

Sometimes I'm afraid, and I don't feel that tough,

But I'll stand back up,

I've been beaten up and bruised,

I've been kicked right off my shoes,

Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,

When the darkness tries to get me,

There's a light that just won't let me.

It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,

But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these storms,

But I just turn them into wind, so I can fly,

What don't kill you makes you stronger,

When I take my last breath,

That's when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead and take your best shot,

Let'er rip, give it all you've got,

You might win this round but you can't keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,

And you'll know just the moment when I've had enough,

Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,

But I'll stand back up.

Music always bolsters my mood.  I think perhaps I need to make a Mix CD of songs that help my Morale on days I'm low.  I'll call it "Fighting The Demon."

Financial Pill

I spend so much on medication, it's insane.


Hmmm, I wonder who the manufacturers of Ibuprofen are,


And can I buy stock?  O_o